Would Yo Do It For Love?

Generally anything goes. Most topics of conversation are acceptable, so long as they fall in line with the forum's main guidelines. Be good... Be Happy :)

Cecil B DeMille Life Time Achievement
Posts: 6009
Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2003 12:36 am
Cash on hand: 1,563.90
Location: Tassie
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:14 am
OK I don't want to go into too much detail, but I've kind of been down this road.

1st point: You are basically a shark waiting to take down an existing relationship, you have no right to do this. (courtesy of Dr. Phil)

2nd point: Everyone whinges about their partner "They don't undertsand me, I have more in common with you, blah, blah" this is a big crock of crap. Flirting is fabulous fun and to know someone finds you attractive is such a big ego-booster, why wouldn't anyone do it?

3rd point: First thing to do, try and get in a social environment where they are with their partner and WATCH. If they are all over their partner (they are showing you how much they are committed) If they won't look you in the eye during a conversation when they are with their partner - They are feeling guilty as hell.

4th point: If they leave their partner for you, they will eventually leave you for the next one that inflates their ego. (Not always - but it is pretty common)

Finally, get some distance between you, let the rose coloured glasses of infatuation dull and see if the feelings hold up.

And they need to finalise their relationships before they start anything new with you.
[img3e]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v136/ricsbride/signatures/TrueBloodAds_Season2_006.jpg[/img3e]
User avatar
Cecil B DeMille Life Time Achievement
Posts: 14127
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 3:10 pm
Cash on hand: 302.60
Bank: 2,763,819.00
Location: --o00o---°(_)°--o00o--
Mood: feeling festive
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:33 am
:shrug:
Last edited by OJ on Sat Sep 02, 2006 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Site Admin
Posts: 6598
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 12:55 am
Cash on hand: 3,413.00
Bank: 49,423.00
Location: M.A.R.S.
Mood: not sure
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 12:42 pm
This is just like most things... its a 50/50 gamble except that there are things in it that could make life a little bit difficult no matter which way things work out.

Things don't work out - work life gets awkward

Things do work out - you'll never know if she may leave you for the 'next big thing'... and things at work may still be awkward depending on how the current partner takes it.

I'd just recommend EXTREME caution no matter which decision you choose... get a little bit of distance and see if she persues you... if she does then its worth the risk... if not then just try to either keep it friendly or increase the distance.

I've been burnt by something like this before so I guess I'm a little more pesimistic/cautious on things like this...
User avatar
Cecil B DeMille Life Time Achievement
Posts: 7290
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2005 6:04 am
Cash on hand: 713.70
Location: The Wilds of Tasmania
Mood: Happy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 1:18 pm
OJ and Serenity are 110% right about the partner bashing. I love my husband to bits, but there are bad times and when those times are bad, rather than scream at him, I seek sympathy from close friends. Once I am calm again, we work things through. These confidantes have included men, but if one of them ever stepped over the line, I would be flattered, but ultimately would run a mile.
User avatar
Golden Globe Nominee
Posts: 1388
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:32 pm
Cash on hand: 0.00
Location: Wollongong, NSW
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 1:33 pm
Thanks for the advise guys (Serenity, Gayle, Sloaney).

I would never be the "shark" that comes and takes a woman in a relationship. I dated a woman on the rebound once and that was bad enough. She was one confused and messed up woman and another relationship was the last thing she needed.

[quote:57e5157e92="OJ"][quote:57e5157e92="Serenity"]
1st point: You are basically a shark waiting to take down an existing relationship, you have no right to do this. (courtesy of Dr. Phil)[/quote:57e5157e92]

wish i had thought of hiding behind Dr Phil - then again I don't watch Dr Phil. [/quote:57e5157e92]

Although your point is right, I take most of what Dr Phil says with a bar of soap. I find him to arrogant personally and although his advise is mostly right I just cant warm ot the man.

[quote:57e5157e92="Serenity"]Finally, get some distance between you, let the rose coloured glasses of infatuation dull and see if the feelings hold up. [/quote:57e5157e92]

I have been down that road too. In my case the woman in question actually left work and went overseas for a holiday for 3 months. By a twist of fate she ended up coming back to work but my feelings held up even when I thought we wouldnt be working together again. Thats when I started to realise my feeligs were the real deal.

[quote:57e5157e92="OJ"]Interesting I find that this thread is showing the Mars/Venus divide quite clearly. While you know the female/s in question better than any of us, I would tend to be focussing a bit more on the female responses than the male ones here - because it is a female that you are wanting a response from. Let's face it the males suggesting that you go for it aren't exactly overtly sucessful in the relationship game. Sorry guys but maybe you should listen rather than just "go for it".[/quote:57e5157e92]

I think the females are giving the right advise here. I think based on the advise Im hearing I will continue to bite my toungue :silenced: even though it pains me to do so, its the more selfless act and if things are meant to be then something will happen in good time. Plus I really enjoy our friendship and I wouldnt want to risk losing that... (damn women being correct :roll: :P )
[imgbd]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a366/ja07/qotsasig3g5cg.gif[/imgbd]
User avatar
Oscar Nominee
Posts: 2378
Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2004 2:37 pm
Cash on hand: 0.00
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 5:57 pm
I agree with the girls too, there is no way I'd advise you guys to go for it.

Serenity put it perfectly, I couldn't have worded it better myself...

my partner also agrees with the girls. He will also be the first to admit that men have great difficulty in determining what is friendly and what is flirting, for some reason, most can't tell the difference...
User avatar
Cecil B DeMille Life Time Achievement
Posts: 9680
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2002 2:01 am
Cash on hand: 1,889.30
Bank: 44,213.00
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Mood: doubting
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 6:45 pm
My advice was given under the assumption that she is available by the way. If she's not single, well, probably not a good idea! :shhhh:
Modest to the top.

Stargate Alien
Posts: 464
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:38 pm
Cash on hand: 0.00
Location: Melbourne
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:49 pm
after the first 5 of 6 posts....i stopped reading. its so funny, that when [i:a858cf789d]the majority[/i:a858cf789d] of the females post a reply with "their thoughts" on the issue, the advice mainly disregarded by the males and they are urged on...."for love". maybe its just the past experience of most males (and or females), or maybe its the romantic idea that true love is worth stepping off the cliff for, but more often than not, i reckon its confused.

guys, i reckon many of them are hinting to STOP. girls are never straightforward. yea i know, some or u think im trying to lecture you...buts it friggin true. they never stop and say, "look, im not interested so annoy someone else" like we can do - without a hint of guilt. its just them being all emotionally connected, and males aren't. ppfft...whatever ;)

bbutt...feeling love? shaking at the knees? feeling weak? c'mon buddy, GET OFF IT. seriously. i have never been [i:a858cf789d]in love[/i:a858cf789d], but neither has many ppl. yea some ppl [i:a858cf789d]do[/i:a858cf789d] find real love, but is love that warm fuzzy feeling inside that u get when u see them, or even think of them. its just the body reacting irationally to that situation - even instinctively. looks like shes got ya attracted instead of love. or at least thats what i feel.

the bottom line, flirting is fun but when there's a bf or significant other involved, then its a no-go zone. simple as that. females, unlike many males, usually do not even entertain the idea of getting with another guy when together. us on the other hand, try to hump every female that moves. its true! :shifty:

so what am i saying? get over it and find someone (who's single) to fall "in love" with. as someone else said, being the [i:a858cf789d]shark[/i:a858cf789d] in a break-up is not a good idea, and usually ends in heartbreak. if its not gonna happen quickly then move on. if it was supposed to happen - it would have already.

and u support her or something? ah..uve been friended. which clearly means "[i:a858cf789d]keep it in ya pants - i wanna talk with ya, not root with ya[/i:a858cf789d]".

thats my speil for today. if anyone would like to discuss, please feel free to pick apart what ive said. this is purely from experience and hope im not generalising too much. take it easy. :)
[img91]http://www.users.on.net/~chanfamily/scrooge(b).jpg[/img91]
User avatar
Cecil B DeMille Life Time Achievement
Posts: 7178
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2005 2:52 pm
Cash on hand: 882.50
Bank: 3,905,233.20
Location: Wollongong
PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 4:39 am
[quote:b03c17d539="Matt_E"]
You feel as though they are only with their partner because they want to please others or comply to their culture and aren't totally happy with their love lives.[/quote:b03c17d539]

Is this just what you think? because you have a biased view because of your feelings, so 9 times out of 10 you are probably going to be hurt by learning they are very happy with the relationship.


[quote:b03c17d539="Matt_E"] You may already have a great relationship with this person and may not want to risk ruining it. There is definitely some flirting between you two and they have said before that they would love to have someone like you. [/quote:b03c17d539]

The flirting may just be you turning friendly conversations into something else, get some one else's opinion if they are flirting or just being friendly - then again flirting can mean jack all because it can be a persons nature to flirt.

[quote:b03c17d539="Matt_E"]So do you risk it all and tell them how you feel or do you just keep your feelings to yourself (no matter how much it's tearing you up inside) and let it go?[/quote:b03c17d539]

Well is the person a close friend - because i told a close friend of 14 years i had feelings for her, i was wrong we are just friend nothing more, i was very confused stage i was in a relationship that i thought wasn't going anywhere - and i was wrong about that because we are still together and love each other very much. I am still friends with the other person but after 14 years you should have a close enough relationship to get past that.

If you are only work friends i don't see the harm in it...but it may make things worse at work if things don't work out - dating people at work can be a bad thing, but also a good thing.
User avatar
Cecil B DeMille Life Time Achievement
Posts: 7290
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2005 6:04 am
Cash on hand: 713.70
Location: The Wilds of Tasmania
Mood: Happy
PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 6:20 am
Uncle Scrooge said:
[quote:bc5a42c5d2]bbutt...feeling love? shaking at the knees? feeling weak? c'mon buddy, GET OFF IT. seriously. i have never been in love, but neither has many ppl. yea some ppl do find real love, but is love that warm fuzzy feeling inside that u get when u see them, or even think of them. its just the body reacting irationally to that situation - even instinctively. looks like shes got ya attracted instead of love. or at least thats what i feel. [/quote:bc5a42c5d2]


Um, when you do fall in love, sappy as it may sound, that is exactly what it is like. You think about that person 24/7. You don't feel truly alive unless they are with you. Everytime you think about the person you love (which is constantly) you get this goofy sort of smile on your face. When the two of you are together, looking into each other's eyes, the rest of the world ceases to exist. You will be in the middle of a work meeting and suddenly think about how he kissed you the night before, and you go all goosey and start grinning like a cat.

That feeling does eventually fade, but even now, eighteen years down the track, I still go all weak at the knees when hubby whispers in my ear "I think it's time for bed", and there are times when even in the most crowded place, the only face I am aware of is his.

Yep, Matt has described the symptoms of being in love to a tee.
Cabbage are very stupid vegetables
PreviousNext

Return to General

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests